


six secrets cameron's never told

by NeoVenus22



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-11
Updated: 2010-03-11
Packaged: 2017-10-07 21:47:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/69575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeoVenus22/pseuds/NeoVenus22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Six secrets Cameron's never told.</p>
            </blockquote>





	six secrets cameron's never told

When he was seven, Cameron made wings out of cardboard. They were based on a design he'd seen in some TV show, with the promise that they'd be more aerodynamic. They were sturdy enough, and he duct-taped them to his wagon with excess. He took the contraption to the highest hill in town and launched himself down it with no fear. And even though he broke his arm and got grounded for a month, he never really cared, because he was pretty sure that for the last five seconds there, he was flying.

He's seen Bon Jovi in concert. Twice. The first time was with a friend from high school that wouldn't ever tell anyone. The second time involved promises, bribes, threats, and sneaking off an Air Force base, followed by a four-hour bus ride. It was totally worth it, though, because he met a woman in a tube top and cutoffs, named Kathy. He and Kathy had pretty good sex in the stadium bathroom, and to this day, he can't hear "Lay Your Hands On Me" without getting half-hard.

He hates coffee; _hates_ it. It's always in heavy supply at Stargate Command, and he has to drink something, because it's not as though he sleeps. He hasn't slept since he got out of the hospital; he didn't really sleep when he was there. He's tried flavored coffees, hazelnut and French vanilla, he's tried lattes and cappuccinos, but nothing works. Every time he has coffee, and he has at least two cups days he's at the base, it feels like he's pouring poison down his throat.

He doesn't want kids. He's never been divorced or widowed or engaged. He isn't thinking about getting married, doesn't have a girlfriend, doesn't even have a candidate. There are fleeting connections here and there (like at Bon Jovi concerts), but that's all it is, fleeting. He's not afraid of love, or loss, because he's seen his teammates and knows it's possible to overcome. He's not afraid of getting hurt, he's afraid of hurting. He's seen what happens when someone marries into the military, seen the devastation it's left behind. He'd rather die alone than put someone he loved through that.

He didn't cry when his dad died, and still hasn't. It's not that he won't cry over tragic events, because he will and has. And it's not that he doesn't desperately love and respect and miss his father, because he does, every single goddamn day. But crying about it will make it real, and then he will compartmentalize it, store it and shove it away to the back of his mind, just like all of the other stupid, sucky, tear-worthy moments of Cam's life. His dad deserves better than that.

It's not true that they're secrets he's never told, because actually, Sam knows every last one of those secrets. Sam's his best friend and practically his sister, and they're in one of those odd situations where he means it when he says he trusts her with his life. She's saved his ass on multiple occasions, and more than that, she's kept his secrets. What Sam doesn't know is that she's the only thing holding him together anymore. He's pretty sure she's the only reason the rest of SG-1 even tolerates him, because he's not as perfect as Landry thinks, and his ideas are half-cocked, and everyone still misses Jack. Even she misses Jack. Cameron goes from day to day convinced that he'll show up at Cheyenne and find out he's been relieved of command. He likes to think that Sam will fight for him.


End file.
